The Storyline of Kirby’s Dream Land

It woke up hungry. What shall I do today? it thought, picking at its teeth with a spare bit of bone from the half-devoured meal from the night before. I saw that new castle on the hill. I think I’ll pay the King a visit.

It slipped on its pink shoes and headed out into the woods.

A peaceful bird flies by overhead as the great beast, dubbed Kirby by the few that saw it and lived, stomps through the forest. Small woodland creatures sense its approach and dart out of the way before they are trampled underfoot… or worse. The great pink beast was a legend among the animals of the forest, revered and feared for its insatiable hunger. Cross its path, they say, and it will swallow you up. It won’t just eat your body, though… no, that’d be too easy. It will drink your soul. At least that’s what the survivors whisper.

After leaving a trail of destruction through the once-peaceful Green Greens, it comes upon a castle. What’s this? Castle Lololo? It’s been so long since I paid them a visit… It bursts through the door, a hateful fire burning in its eyes. Air whistles down the spacious halls as it inhales the butler. Kirby spits his corpse at another servant – the chef – before downing his body as well. It must keep feeding; it must keep advancing toward its goal.

It climbs to the tallest tower, always eating, always hungry. There, the creature finds the castle’s owners, Lolo and Lala, moving furniture in their bedroom, readying the table for their dinner guests.

“YOU-DIDN’T-INVITE-ME!” the beast screams, angry sparks flying from its eyes as it swells to three times its normal size. Lolo and Lala both tremble in fear; in all their great adventures, they’d never come upon a beast like this. So fierce, so round, so pink. They do their best to stand their ground, but it’s no good. Kirby uses Lolo’s own furniture to crush both of them dead.

As the pink menace rips the last pieces of meat from Lala’s corpse, it sees King Dedede’s castle out the window, on a distant hilltop. Steal my food, will you?! It jumps out the window and flies up into the Bubble Clouds.

Ahhh, I feel the warm sun on my pink skin. No one can challenge me, lord of the skies and the earth. The King thinks he can claim dominion over my land? The clouds are too cheery for the creature, who is once again building up a head of steam. It inhales a bird for the fun of it then catches a falling star and rides it down, down, down… faster than any man or beast could handle. Kirby’s spongy body, however, can withstand any force. It bursts through the King’s window and stands before him, glistening with sweat and rage.

“What is the meaning of this intrusion?!” Kind Dedede demands, leaping to his feet from his throne.

Without a word, bloodshot eyes close in concentration as the beast opens its mouth and sucks with the force of a tornado. In goes the paintings on the walls, the carpet, the throne, the nearby servants… everything not bolted down is pulled into the pink monster’s gaping maw. The creature then releases the pent-up pressure in a blast so great, it shoots the king into space.

“This is my world.”

Then, expanding its body to the size of a hot air balloon, the thing pulls the castle from its foundation and floats off into the sunset. Towards a new tomorrow… and an even bigger meal. Already, Kirby is thinking about what – or who – he shall have for dessert.


Filed under Fiction

2 responses to “The Storyline of Kirby’s Dream Land

  1. Disturbing…

    Fun read, though! Is this a series you’re thinking of doing, making kid-friendly game plots into something macabre and dark. i can dig it!

  2. arron

    I’ve felt that Mario should have been more like this. Killing all those innocent creatures that didn’t do him any harm before he turned up with his evil pasta-loving ways and eating far too much free cake.

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